And now for another recipe. Not one that is quite so yummy, but a whole lot more wonderful. It's a recipe for HEALING! Strange, I know. But it's just something I wanted to write. More for myself, that I wanted to actually remember & record what was really so helpful in getting me through these past months. I couldn't always say this, but now more than ever I am confident that God has a perfect purpose for my time of suffering. I don't want to forget any part. So here goes...
DANAE'S RECIPE FOR HEALING
First off, you'll need a heaping dose of God's grace, which shouldn't be a problem because we know that's always in ABUNDANT supply. :) But that's first...and last...and everywhere in between. God's grace needs to be continuously mixed throughout this entire healing process. It's always there, with God longing to give more to us, but because it's grace, it's not just gonna force itself in there either. You
These next steps are bit more specific to my situation, but I think some over-arching ideas for any healing process are in there.
Spend lots of afternoons at your grandparent's house enjoying banana bread, cinnamon rolls, cookies, and tea. Do a bunch of puzzles with them talking about the beautifully simple things in life. In the first few weeks, especially, it helps keep your mind from getting overwhelmed with grief & despair.
Spend even more time with three little boys, ages 4, 2, & 6 months. They don't have a care in the world and are so easy to love. You can pick them up and give them a big ole hug any time you want. They'll probably be the three things that can bring a genuine smile to your face for a while. They won't make you feel like you need to explain anything to them. They're the few people that will treat you like absolutely nothing has changed since before you were hurt.
Toss in a good amount of vulnerability. Whether through writing or conversations, don't try to hide how you're really feeling about things. Maybe a lot of it is kinda ugly and you know a nice Christian shouldn't be feeling that way. But if you are, then own up to it! There are a lot of beautiful, compassionate people out there who are so good at being Jesus to you, if you let them. Let the Lord surprise you who's all out there that can help you. (He sure did with me!) But like it or not, it takes work on your part. You gotta let them know how you really feel, so they can relate to you and pour out their compassion, wisdom, & understanding on you. Vulnerability can be uncomfortable & scary at first, but oh so worth it, every time and it gets easier. :)
Make a CD mix. Put songs on there about trusting God's goodness, faithfulness, unconditional love, knowledge of you, and perfect ways. Even when your mind is clouded with so many other thoughts that it's hard to believe that a single word in those songs are true, keep listening to them. Drive somewhere every day by yourself so that you can sing them over and over again. Use them as your prayers when you have no idea what else to say. God understands. He won't be disappointed that you can't say anything else at the time.
Get a semi-mindless summer job for a couple of weeks. While doing your mindless tasks, your mind can go a million different ways. Instead of letting your mind wander through thoughts of how hurt you were, take this opportunity to really fight for words of hope & healing. Fight against the "why God? why me?" and fight for prayers for the people who hurt you. Again, Jesus would love to help you fight this battle, but you've gotta surrender your own efforts and ask for His help. Every time your mind wanders to thoughts of bitterness or self-pity, whisper Jesus' name (literally) and feel His peace wash over you.
Read through One Thousand Gifts devotional. If that's not available, keep a gratitude journal. Make a conscience effort at finding the many ways that God specifically loves you each and every day. Write down everything. Not just the big stuff. It's all important. It just needs to be noticed. And you need, need, NEED to keep a thankful heart in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.
This one is SO much easier said than done, but keep an eternal perspective. To help you remember, keep some kind of symbol that will help you remember. I have a framed picture of a lion in my room. It's the Lion of Judah. (It;s not this exact picture, but similar) Sometimes I brush right past it, but other times I really stop & try to remind myself that this current circumstance is only a drop in all eternity. I remind myself that Jesus is coming back soon and will make all things right. My Warrior is coming back and this little circumstance will all make sense. He's coming back and I'll understand why this trial was necessary and how it shaped me. Right now, this situation seems like such a very big deal, and it is. But at the same time...it's not. I'm not the only person who's ever been wounded or wish they could better understand God's ways. I'm not the first person that got their life turned upside down. It's so easy to get wrapped up in self-pity, but take time to remind yourself that this--and all of life--is preparation for eternity. In the grand scheme of things, a few months of heartache is not that long. God's making your heart a garden.
Keep a journal. Write down how you feel, but more than that, ask God questions. You need to process through your thoughts & feelings with Him. Ask Him why you're feeling sad/hurt/bitter/guilty/unforgiving/etc. Or maybe you need to ask Him to hep you figure out what you're even feeling in the first place. Read through the journal often. At least once a week! Take notice of the small steps you're making and thank Jesus for His healing work.
Choose to set your mind to understanding more about Jesus through this circumstance. Every feeling that we have, Jesus has felt it, too, AND handled it perfectly. I don't know if you remember this blog post, but I knew that I needed to ask Jesus to help me understand more of Himself. Some days, I gave up on that and chose self-pity & bitterness instead. But other days, He did show me! If you've read other blog posts of mine, you would know. My favorite thing He showed me was how much He LONGS for His Bride. I gained a deeper understanding of His perfect patience and constant faithfulness. He's been waiting to be one with His Church for over 2000 years, but He doesn't give up. He's so wise--He won't come a minute too late, or a minute too soon. He knows that His Bride isn't ready for Him yet, and He won't rush it. He'll just keep on loving us & drawing us to Him. I LOVE having that deeper understanding. I wouldn't trade it for anything! :) I'm blessed to be able to intercede more specifically in prayer AND I'm privileged to be able to pass it on to others!
So there you have it. That's all the "ingredients" I can think of for now. I'm sure there were more that factored in, but these were the main ones I could think of this morning. :) It's been right about 4 months since my engagement got called off. Which really isn't that long. My sister & I both agree that for me to be where I am today in the healing process is SUCH a testimony of God's grace. I hope you can see that, too. But I also hope you can see that it does take a conscience effort on my part as well. I hated feeling bitter & unforgiving, and I wanted those feelings gone as soon as possible. I think this is a situation where my urgent demeanor worked in my favor. :)
But my fear in all of this is that people will see how healed I am already and think that maybe I wasn't really that hurt and maybe it wasn't that big of a deal that our engagement got broken off. Please don't think that. It was a big deal. The biggest deal that's happened in my life so far. I'm not saying that for you to pity me, but for you to recognize how overwhelmingly gracious God was to me in all this. He's SUCH a good Healer. I can't tell you how many times people told me that healing takes time. Yes it does, but before that it takes JESUS. I hope this recipe shows you that and that you can rejoice with me in a clear evidence of God's GRACE. :)
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