Hopelessly Weak

All through junior high and high school, if anyone ever asked me my favorite verse, it was always 1 Cor. 13. I think I liked it because I thought it had beautiful wording and it was just great verses to live by and to strive for. For high school graduation, my aunt wanted to cross-stitch my favorite verse on a book mark for me. Good thing she was creative enough to get the jist of that passage on a little bookmark. :)

And actually, that passage has quite a significant role in my personal testimony. I've been reading a book called The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee, and the chapter I just finished reminded me of that again. In the chapter, he talked about Romans 7 and how humans have this constant battle of doing what they don't want to do and not doing what we want to do. He talks about how this battle is important & essential because it breaks us down and shows us how weak we are to follow the Law. Every Christian needs this battle in order to finally let Jesus come in and do it for us.

This is exactly the case for me with 1 Cor. 13. Often times, when reading that Scripture, I would put my name in place of the word "love." Danae  is patient. Danae  is kind. Danae  is not easily angered. She keeps no record of wrongs...etc. For a while, I was reading that passage every day, and trying to focus on one section. I would think things like "Okay, today I'm going to be really patient. Today I'm not going to get easily angered..." But it seemed like the harder I tried to be patient, the more impatient I actually was. I was feeling just like Paul in Romans 7-- "Oh what a wretched woman I am!" It was so frustrating!

Watchman Nee writes in the book,
"The more we try to keep the Law, the more our weakness is manifest and the deeper we get into Romans 7, until it is clearly demonstrated to us that we are hopelessly weak. God knew it all along, but we did not. So God had to bring us through painful experiences to a recognition of the fact...This is why God gave us the Law."

This couldn't describe my personal experience any more accurately. I was trying sooo hard to be loving. The harder I tried, the worse I was at it. Finally, during spring semester of my freshman year, through a variety of experiences and conversations, it all clicked for me. You could say God graced me with a revelation! I finally realized that I wasn't the one who was supposed to be loving better. It's Christ living in me! I finally realized that the only way I'm ever going to be a better lover, is if I stop trying and surrender to Jesus doing it through me. I was clearly demonstrated to that I was hopelessly weak. God knew it all along, but I didn't. I thought I had to keep trying harder. If I really loved God, then I should be able to love others, right?? Not when I'm trying with my own flesh. I was brought through painful experiences, especially during my freshman year, that brought me to a recognition of that fact. I'm so thankful for them! I'm so totally amazed at how much Jesus transformed my life in such a relatively short amount of time all because of that humbling revelation.

I would still say that 1 Cor. 13 is one of my favorite Scriptures, but for a totally different reason. It's one of my favorites because Jesus used it mightily in my personal testimony. It's one of my favorites because it helped me see how hopelessly weak I am. It's one of my favorites because it is a great verse to live by, but not on my own strength. It's a passage that can only be followed when I'm fully surrendered to the Holy Spirit working through me.

I don't think it's any coincidence that 1 Cor. 13 was always my favorite passage. I think God's always given me that desire to really love well. Before my revelation, I always wanted to be good at loving...but I was pretty awful. Now, by God's grace alone I can humbly say that I love to love. I love to give words of affirmation, do acts of service, and just make people feel special!
During fall semester of my sophomore year, these are the words God gave me through someone:
"You have a lot of love to give and have it within you. You will receive more His love and you'll tell Him you love Him and He will just give you more and you’ll pour out more. It will be an endless cycle of love. God wants to pour His love over you so that you can give more and receive more and give more and on and on. You really have lots of love."

Praise Jesus with me for His testimony in my life! It's my prayer that you, too, have found yourself to be hopelessly weak and realize that only through complete surrender can Jesus' life be made manifest in your life.